I Live in Reciprocity With My Sisters

I step into my power and say no.

I hold my boundaries as important as everyone else's.

I do not put my needs last in all situations.

I choose to let go of things that do not serve my life.

I value the blessings, talents and knowledge I have.

I live in reciprocity, valuing the blessings, talents, knowledge and skills of others.

As women, we are often taught to give without the expectation of reciprocation until we render ourselves empty. We have been socialized to believe that the most desirable and virtuous woman is the one who endlessly gives and never asks for acknowledgement, let alone any physical thing, in return. Throughout childhood, teenage years, young adulthood and beyond, we’re told that other women should not only offer up their services/goods for free, but that they should want to. Anything less than complete disregard for self would be selfish.. We see this in women who sell homemade goods like yarn creations, herbal remedies, paintings, and in women who provide education or in-person services. Oftentimes, these women are asked by loving, well-meaning friends for free items, consultations, or samples. These friends aren’t trying to devalue them. They’ve been shown over and over again that women give for those around them, always. However, in asking for their time, service, or hard work without reciprocating in kind, they do just that: devalue their friends. Energy exchanges happen in many forms. The most common form of this exchange is, of course, money. But there are other ways to exchange goods and services that are less talked about. Food, your own creations, service (think cleaning, repair work, organizational work, etc.), and a whole manner of things can be used to barter for goods. When money is tight, oftentimes if we sit with the idea that what we want from someone is important enough to prioritize, we can find something to reciprocate with.

Once we recognize the reality of what it takes to not only survive, but thrive, in today’s society, we can begin to look at what it takes to create content, offer support, or dedicate time and energy to something. Once we’ve identified what has gone into this creation, and what was sacrificed to have it come to fruition, we can really see what we’re actually paying for. Instead of seeing your energetic exchange as “money paid for this woman to support me”, you begin to see it as “valuing myself enough to see that I deserve this good/service and honoring this woman by: recognizing the children she has to find care for when she supports me, acknowledging the time and money she put into educating herself in this area of expertise, and supporting her ventures in this necessary work”. Putting into perspective that all energetic exchanges are a sign of what you value and what is important to you, can help with making this shift.

This idea of setting boundaries around what you will volunteer your time and energy for is a pretty radical one. So many of us have been socialized to be the perpetual martyr. The “superwoman” who wears all the hats, juggles all the balls, never needs help, and gives relentlessly while asking for nothing in return; she’s not real. Or rather, if she is real, she’s tired. Her cup is empty. She’s underappreciated, undervalued, and it’s time for her to say, “No more.” When women stand up and say, "I am worthy of receiving", we change the dynamic from the empty, underappreciated, undervalued women to women of integrity, in their power. When we set boundaries and say "no, I won't do that for free" or "no, I won't participate". We show our sisters that they too can set boundaries. That they can also say no. We start to move away from the scarcity mindset, where there isn’t enough customers/clients/resources to go around, and come to abundance mindset, where we stop viewing our sisters as competition and begin to take pride in paying for goods and services provided by them. Once we see ourselves as worthy of receiving we recognize that they are too. This invokes a cycle of women who begin to see where they have been giving without appreciating their value. They stop volunteering their time and energy to every single person and organization who asks for it. They remember that when they are empty, they deserve reprieve. When we stand in our integrity and say "no", we start a chain reaction of sisters recognizing their power.

And I'm ready for that.

-Sydney